I have no idea where am I, I feel disconcert about my intelectual and creative life. Art is a fleeting creature which since I began taking antidepressants my creativity has felt crippled. The only day where I actually did any creative activity was after masturbating consciously. What I mean by consciously is that I took my time to feel pleasure instead of just relieving myself. Also I made no attempt to stifle my arousing. I'm starting to realize what an important connection there is between sexuality and creativity. It still disconcerts me how I managed to have a full life back in my religious days in which I had a really crative life. Still I have no desire per se to write or to draw or why not, to play music. Maybe I'm missing other branches like theater or sculpture which could be more filling right now. I'm still pretty convinced of the effects of the drugs as negative in this side.

OH, I've lost control of myself, of what I am...